Monsters! Check.

I meant to say this yesterday but got carried away with the laundry blog that I'd meant to do the day before that. Ah, the story of my life.

I have also written it out once to my friend in Ecosse, and whilst writing it to him I realised it's not really that funny. It might, however, end up being relevant later (I don't don't how) and it also might help you gain an insight into my psyche, so here goes.

The night before last I woke up with a start, grabbed Ben and hissed "Ben! There's a monster! Ben! Ben!" I then shook him a little bit to make my point and then slowly the realisation that I was disturbing his sleep again filtered through and I said "... Um... It's ok... there's not actually any monsters. Sorry." And went back to sleep.

I've written it twice now and it really loses something in the telling. BUT. In the message to my friend in Ecosse, I had also tried to be clever and written part of it in my poor pigeon French. I meant to say something along the lines of "Hullo Tim! How are you? I speak French!" If I'd been able to work the French out for 'I learn it - from a book!' I would have done, because I'm sure Tim would have got the Fawlty Towers reference. I continued "Yes, truly, I am now a French lady." Which was all I could manage, at the time. And now as well, as my French learning does not continue apace. Anyway, Tim wrote back and said:

As I'm very poor at languages other than English, I thought I'd run this through an English/French translator just to see what it said. This is what I got:

"Good morning Timotee, cava? I am definitely, I speak francais tres definitely, I am a francois woman now, that's true. Check."

I thought that that surely couldn't be right, so just to make sure I translated the French into Russian, then that into Spanish, then that into French again, and then back into English. Here is what I got, which I'm sure you'll agree is far more legible:

"Good days, Did Timotee put sails? I am true, say three francais indeed, - francois the supporting woman, am true. Check."

I didn't put any sails I'm afraid, but it's good to hear that you're true (and the same goes for Francois, the supporting woman)."

So on that note, I thought I'd run through our laundry sign from yesterday. It's been through Hindi, Dutch, Spanish and Arabic, in some sort of order that i forget now (it's not important) and it came out with:

"Customer drought for the washing of their homes, to use only one child, are invited to the timing and customers who prefer to wash laundry"

Drunk with my new found power over language, I ran it through again, this time from Englsih into Finnish into Czech into Greek into German into Korean back to English. It presented me with:

"Drought to wipe binding, a child using their own homes and timetables to invite customers who do not want to wash."

Make of that what you will. Ben read it and said "It looks like a heading. Or.... a subheading."

Check.